Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
FUCK WHALES
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