I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
