Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
