he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
