Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
