I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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