I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
