yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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