he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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