no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
