Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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