why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
