This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
