I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Randomize
