okay pat passed out under dana's car
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
