i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Small penises have feelings too.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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