i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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