i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
