After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
