there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
