You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
