I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
