And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
