dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Randomize
