so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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