my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
