Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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