you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Quick, to the slutcave!
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Randomize
