You work out of a Hotel?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
