im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
