Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
