Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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