he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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