i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
