Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
