toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
