lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Holy sore nipples Batman
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
