just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
