i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Then you guys just all showered together...?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
i out mim tonsoeep
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