How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
