can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I forgot how hot balto sounded
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
