My room smells like vodka and shame
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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