so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
