you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
