I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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