Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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