ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
