hotel room ftw
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
