Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize