Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
