hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
