Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
