My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
